There’s the old adage, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”.
If there ever were lies straight out of the pit of hell, this is one of the biggest.
Millions have and do walk about with wounded spirits, shattered emotions, and devoid of confidence and self-respect. All because of words spoken in anger, malice, or ridicule.
The results of outright bullying are well documented. But what about the verbal wounding?
Subtle comments, sarcastic remarks, and constant belittlement by spouses, parents, and friends.
All forms of emotional bullying.
Even though it may be unintended, and some may not even be aware of how their words affect another person, the resulting wounds can last a lifetime.
An incident that happened to me in the sixth grade was made worse by the fact that it was one of my best friends who spoke the words.
We usually played some sort of game during recess. In the Spring, it was usually baseball.
My normal position was left field. Very little action happens in left field, but on this day a high pop fly sailed almost right to me. There was a runner on second and third base, two outs, and the opposing team was one run behind. Recess was about over.
It should have been a piece of cake.
Then the ball disappeared in the blinding noonday sun. I never saw it until I heard it hit the ground.
My vision was still blurred because of staring up into the brilliant light, so it took me a moment to locate the ball. One runner had scored, tying the game. I threw the ball as hard as I could to try and get the second runner out at home plate.
Too late. Game over.
The next moment impacted my life in some way for decades.
My friend, always the self-appointed leader of whatever team he was on, came running toward me.
To say that he did not like to lose would be an understatement.
I don’t remember all of the words, but the phrase that has stuck with me all these years was, “Hutson, you’re no good. I don’t want you on my team any longer”.
Everyone heard it, particularly the girls who were watching.
I was crushed. Humiliated.
Those words stayed with me for a long time, affecting everything from relationship choices to job performance.
I’m sure he never dreamed how long his words impacted me. They were always in the background directing how I saw myself and my place in this world.
The importance of reading, studying, and meditating on how much thoughts, habits, and attitudes affect our own self-image is huge.
I have been a follower of Christ for over forty years now.
One of the most important things I have learned from reading and studying the Bible is the power of our words.
The Apostle James said it best when he compared the power of the tongue to a ship’s rudder -
For in many things we offend all. If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body.
Behold, we put bits in the horses' mouths, that they may obey us; and we turn about their whole body.
Behold also the ships, which though they be so great, and are driven of fierce winds, yet are they turned about with a very small helm, whithersoever the governor directs.
Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasts great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindles!
And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell. - James 3:4-6
On the flip side of that is Proverbs 25:11
A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.
This is what I would like to bring home in today’s post:
Our tongues have enormous power. Learning to control them is a life-long endeavor.
Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, cultivate your own salvation (that you have been given by God) with fear and trembling. For it is God who works in you both to will and to do of His good pleasure. - Philippians 2:12-13
Essentially, the work that God is constantly doing internally to conform us to the image of Christ (ref. Romans 8:29) should be reflected in our words and actions.
Even though the scripture is clear that we become “new creatures” in Christ (I know this to be true from experience), we are still human on this side of heaven, and therefore subject to the same passions as all humans.
This includes our thoughts and the words they generate.
Even though time has greatly diminished the impact and I live pretty much without fear or concern about what others think or say, an occasional lack of confidence will rear its ugly head.
And this is what motivates me to constantly examine my thoughts, words, actions, and reactions in daily life.
How do I respond to others in various situations?
Why do certain people, places, or actions elicit a particular thought or emotion?
What can I learn from this?
Am I comfortable with the way my life is currently?
What can I do to change if need be?
And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, in order to prove by you what is that good and pleasing and perfect will of God. - Romans 12:2
While this article is a general introduction, future posts will explore how the Bible addresses these questions and more as we “work out our salvation” and what it means to be “transformed” and “conformed to the image of Christ”.
Until next time, friends …
As someone who grew up under that phrase, I would like to defend it a bit. I don’t think that it means anything in opposition to what you say here.
When I was growing up, at least the phrase was used to encourage oneself to persevere through difficult times when people around you were saying difficult things. It was actually a form of armour that we put on similar to the stiff upper lip of an Englishman. And I believe that as armour it has its reflection in scripture.
Hi Cork
Great series of articles.
I am also writing a series and wonder if you would mind telling me how to set it up like you have, with "previous/next' and links to past articles?
Tried looking it up, but could not find anything on substack.