Looking Back #17: The Classroom of Disappointment
What I was Writing Then: May 10, 2023
Originally published in May 2023, this post takes a deep dive into the effect that our responses to life’s disappointments can have on our spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical health. What can we learn?
This article is not about devastating, earth-shattering, or extreme life-changing events. Those things belong in a category that few can even comprehend.
Today’s post will focus on the almost daily occurrence of disappointments in life -
The course corrections, the game changers, the things that annoy us when we don’t get our way.
Have you ever thought about why you feel or react the way you do when something happens or someone acts in a way that isn’t how you think it should be?
Your carefully laid plans go off the rails
People you trusted let you down
Things you were so sure of turn out not to be so sure
The bubble of “job security” suddenly bursts
A major purchase, such as a car, becomes an albatross
The list could go on, but you get the picture.
How do we respond when these things occur in life?
The most common responses are:
Throw a tantrum
Become frustrated, angry, or violent
Give up (just quit)
Withdraw
Become depressed
Some combination of the above
The fact is that none of these responses change anything for the better and usually make things worse.
The results are hurt feelings, damaged relationships, broken things, health issues, injury (to self or others), or embarrassment.
If you think back to the disappointments in your life, I’m sure you can point out some of these very responses.
Learning Experiences
The point of this article is not to focus on the common responses, but on what we can learn from them. How can we learn to respond in a more positive or constructive way?
How we should respond -
We have all known or interacted with someone who responds to disappointing circumstances with a calmness that seems “otherworldly”. Their “feathers” never seem to get ruffled.
They have the ability to make a course correction in the midst of a trial or disappointment.
How did they get that way? How is that possible? We all wish we could respond like that, but the means escapes us.
Many view the Bible as a negative book that only focuses on the “thou shalt nots”. But in reality, it is an extremely positive and practical guide for life.
For instance, with regard to the topic of this article, the very issue of trials (disappointments) is addressed by the early church leader, James, in his letter to the Jewish Christians (that’s all there were at the time) who were “scattered abroad” due to persecution.
They were not exactly in a comfortable situation. Most lost everything as they fled. Family members were torn apart. Some died.
And yet, James tells them to be joyful because they are learning patience and contentment through the trials they face.
My brothers, count it all joy (be glad) when you fall into different kinds of temptations (trials), knowing that the trying of your faith works patience. But let patience have its perfect work, so that you may be perfect (complete) and entire (whole/sound), lacking nothing.- James 1:2-4
Yeah, I can hear ya’ -
“Bro, exactly what are we supposed to be glad about when our car stops running, or our roof is leaking?
“How are we supposed to be patient and content when we don’t have enough to pay the bills or put food on the table?”
“My heart is broken because my kids have gone astray. You expect me to be happy about that?”
But here are some other questions we should consider when faced with these kinds of situations;
How much has being upset about something changed the situation?
What do discontentment and impatience contribute to alleviating the current circumstances?
Does anger or giving up change anything for the better?
We all know the answer to those questions.
So then, why do we continue to respond this way?
While there are many who are born with a naturally calm and content disposition, most are not.
Humans are naturally self-centered. Everything we do is designed to gratify the flesh or satisfy the ego.
Impatience and discontentment naturally follow. We want it our way and we want it now.
Businesses have perfected their marketing techniques to encourage both discontentment and impatience and then satisfy the need for instant gratification with ease of credit.
It is a vicious trap.
All of this bleeds over into the realm of spiritual and emotional discontentment as well as impatience.
We don’t seem to be able to handle anything less than perfection. So when a trial of life comes our way, we have no tolerance for:
Living with it for an unspecified amount of time while praying for a solution
Waiting for a desired outcome
The results can be disastrous. Some examples are:
Marrying the wrong person
Taking the wrong job
Buying the wrong house (too expensive, not checking neighborhood history or having an inspection done, etc.)
Not being practical when purchasing an automobile
Taking on massive debt without counting the cost
Yes, heartache and disappointment are real. They are part of life. But according to the passage quoted above, these things are designed to teach us patience and contentment.
They are there to drive us TO God, not AWAY from him.
It’s no secret that I am a huge Jim Rohn fan. He is by far my favorite modern-day philosopher. On this particular subject, he wrote -
Learn how to be happy with what you have while you pursue all that you want.
In other words, be content with your present circumstances, while working to change things.
When things don’t go our way, our normal reaction tends to be negative. We ask questions like -
Why is this happening to me?
What did I do to deserve this?
But what if we ask these questions:
Ok, what can I learn from this?
What could have been done differently, if anything?
How can my response make a difference in the outcome?
Many times, we find that there is nothing we could have done to change the outcome of a situation. However, even in those situations, we can change ourselves.
If we look back over our lives, we will realize that things usually work themselves out. If we give things a space of time, we can see with more clarity on how to move forward.
As stated at the start of this article, a calm, reasoned response to adverse circumstances is not the norm. It is learned.
We must discipline ourselves to respond differently. Again, as Jim Rohn states -
We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret or disappointment.
The effects of angry, defeated, or harmful reactions to disappointments in life can be devasting to our spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical health.
Is that how we really want to live?
We can endure the pain of self-discipline or suffer from a lifetime of continuous regret and disappointment?
The choice is ours.
Until next time, friends …
Learning to be patient and quiet long enough for prayers to be answered is always tough. Embracing the trials and challenges, as James writes, are the keys to maturing and growth. Great write up, Cork.
Cork, Thanks for sharing this and your reflections on disappointment, which I've learn has so many faces. I hope the week has been kind to you, Cork? :)